I received this diary from my mother about ten years ago. It had a great impression on me because it resonated with me on many levels. Some of the stories described in the diary I have experienced myself, and the ones I haven’t experienced yet, felt true in my heart. This diary may answer so many common spiritual questions people ask and wonder about in such an approachable manner that earlier this year I felt a strong impulse to share it with the world. As I received the diary in Hungarian and I could not find an English version of it, I decided to translate it myself. I started with the translation in Spring 2022 and the first part is ready to be shared now. I hope you will enjoy it and I hope you will be excited about the subsequent parts as well…
This is the diary of a perceptive woman who died at the age of 39. After her death, her daughter found these records. I will not describe the part of her earthly life, only this: a clerk who is raising her little girl named Victoria on her own. Her husband left her and was later the victim of an accident in Paris. This diary was found by Victoria, who is still alive today.
I can still hear the ringing of the evening bell, I can still see the light of the small iron stove, yet I am already in the other world with one foot. The evening bell was silenced, the fire in the stove was extinguished, and I came to my eternal homeland. Down there, people call it dreamland. Here, I leave the heavy weight of Earth and look around with widened self-awareness. We see the causes of suffering; we see the future. How good it is that we forget everything in the morning and only take with us the events we have experienced here as confusing dream images.
I haven’t seen Alpha anywhere today, even though I would desperately need his advice. Alpha is my guardian angel; I talk to him every night. He is a beautiful snow-white angel. Last time I asked him – why are you called Alpha? He replied: because I am still at the beginning of the beginning. Alpha is the way guardian angels are usually depicted above the cradle. He has a white dress and a star on his forehead. He is always understanding and gentle. He’s like a good parent. How happy I am to leave Earth at night and come here. What a pity I can’t see him anywhere right now. Ahh there he comes! This is a wonderful world! If we really want something, it will be fulfilled right away.
– Welcome sweet Alpha, I’ve been waiting for you so long.
– Peace to you my child – Alpha greeted me in his deep, soft voice.
– My sweet Alpha, it will be morning soon and I have to go back to Earth. I want to ask you something. Did you know in advance that I was getting a job down there on Earth today? And if you knew, why didn’t you tell me?
– My child, we can’t always tell you the future because sometimes that knowledge would hurt you. If you saw what was coming to you, you would be horrified and leave the battlefield on Earth where you have to work during the day. If I had told you in advance that it was time for you to get the job, you would not have done so diligently what you did and nothing would have happened. And so it happened what was supposed to happen. If you could see and know in advance that you will be killed in three months as a punishment for your sins, life would be an eternal dread for you. To prove what I have just said, sometime I will take you somewhere where you will see the antecedents and consequences of human destinies. Go now, my child, because it is dawn on Earth, do your duty, raise your little girl, work in the office, and love people! God bless you, my child!
What a strange, sweet world this is, here the night is not darker, the day is not lighter, it is always equally good to be here. Today, as I came over, Alpha was waking me from the drowsiness of a dream like the dawn breeze opens the flower bud. And we went for a walk. Alpha told me he would show me hell. Although I was a little scared, I still remained calm because my curiosity was bigger than my fear. But how amazed I was when I saw hell quite differently from what we had learned about it on the good old Earth. We went on a straight path, then suddenly we began sinking somewhere without any transition. It felt as if we had gotten from thinner air into denser, smelly, choking air. At first, I could barely see but when my eyes got used to the darkness, I noticed a large brawling group.
– Alpha where are we? – I asked trembling.
– In the realm of the dead – Alpha replied barely audibly.
– But they are alive!
– They are alive here, but are dead on Earth. They were all buried on Earth, mourned and forgotten but they live because there is no death!
– This was wonderful and incomprehensible to me. I stepped closer to the fighters. One was scratched with blood on his face and hands. They were trying to catch something that kept disappearing from them. It resembled a brilliant piece of jewelry. Alpha noticed my confusion and hurried to enlighten me:
– These are greedy, material souls who still yearn for wealth. They tear, bite, torture each other, and the gold always slips out of their hands.
We passed by them while they were angrily threatening us, protecting their gold.
– Dear Alpha, do we go to the realm of the dead every night we fall asleep?
– My child, death and dream are siblings!
– There’s much I don’t understand of this dream world. For example, I don’t understand how I got here where the dead are while I am still alive. Nor do I understand if I am here, why I do not have all my earthly acquaintances here with me, for they are also asleep, and they too must experience these miracles. I couldn’t find answers to so many questions. In my contemplation, I didn’t notice that Alpha had already left. I looked around, I didn’t see him, I only saw a sad woman carrying something beside me. Her face was pale and her hands were bloody. As I took a closer look at her package, I saw she was carrying a child’s corpse. I looked at her in shock.
– What are you carrying, poor soul?
– My dead child. I killed him because he was born illegally.
– And aren’t you even trying to deny your sin?
– There is no denying it here, and even if I could, I could not wipe the blood off my hands.
– Why don’t you hide the body in a place where no one could see it?
– Because I can’t hide it. It belongs to me like my hands, head or feet. The sin I committed ties it to me. This is hell, not the flames!
The soul disappears and I run after Alpha.
There, his white dress shines at the end of the road. One step and I’m right next to him. How good it is to float and move at the speed of will and thought. You don’t have to carry the heavy weight that you can’t put down as a human. Alpha reads my thoughts and starts his daily lecture.
– You just asked, why aren’t your friends here when you can be here. Those who sleep down on Earth are all here in this world but you cannot see them because there’s a difference in ranks here. Those who are of a higher rank will awaken to self-awareness on a higher plane when it comes time for them to sleep, and those who are of a lower rank will awaken on a lower plane. The difference in ranks here is not the same as on Earth. A man of a higher rank on Earth is someone with a lot of money and great authority. And inferior if poor, ragged and anonymous. While here the goodness and dignity of the soul is what decides where someone goes when they sleep. It often happens that a poor laundress is a better, purer soul and therefore she is of a higher rank than her hostess, the haughty secretary of state. In this case, the launderer teaches the secretary of state about the science of the world.
While Alpha lectures me, two souls are approaching us. They talk quietly, intimately. The man is pulling a strange white cord behind him.
– What is that white cord? – I asked Alpha.
– That is the cord of life, Alpha replies, it means that this man lives down on Earth and only comes into this world at night. The cord connects his soul to his body. If we were to follow this cord now, we would reach a house on Earth, that’s where it would lead us. We would find a man sleeping in a bed, the body of this man. When the soul returns to the body, this cord like rubber collapses and disappears. When the soul leaves the body, this cord stretches as far as the soul goes. If the cord breaks, the soul cannot return to the body, the person dies. You see the other soul no longer has such a cord. This woman died for the Earth, but since love is eternal, she meets her husband every night who is left on Earth and who hurries to her immediately after falling asleep. They are lovingly talking; they are no longer separated. When the husband wakes up in the morning, he will be happy because he had a beautiful dream. He dreamed he was with his loving wife who stroked him tenderly and told him that love would not die at the grave. The husband does not know that this was real because he has no idea what happened after falling asleep but he has brought the warm feelings with him into the material world and that will make him happy all day.
A beautiful white soul crossed our path. He greeted Alpha with a smile. Who could it be? – I wondered.
– Guardian angel, said my dear heavenly friend. Come, let’s follow his path!
And we started after the guardian angel. We followed many straight and bumpy paths then suddenly began sinking like an elevator would descend. We were on Earth. The guardian angel flew over a large dark forest. I couldn’t imagine what he might want here where there are ravens and foxes at most, but no trace of a human being. I was mistaken. As we went deeper into the woods, I spotted a small, moving figure. A child was stumbling in the fallen leaves, a bundle of dried sticks on his back. He’s probably lost. Snow began to fall in dense tiny flakes. It covered the road. The little boy sat down and started crying. Howling sounded in the distance. Could it be a dog or maybe a wolf? The child listened in alarm. He seemed to have recognized the frightening sound.
– Oh, what will happen to him? Alpha, help him if you can! My God, why am I not in human form now so that I could at least protect him with a staff!
Alpha gently smiled.
– Fear not, his guardian angel is here and he takes better care of him than we could.
I didn’t dare object, I just wondered how could a disembodied soul protect someone from a wolf? The guardian angel then flew over to the child and took his hand. The little boy did not see him, yet he got up and started walking. The guardian angel led him to the road. The child was glad that he had found the path and started running home. In the distance, a tiny light flashed. The little boy didn’t see it, but the guardian angel did. The forest ranger was patrolling in the evening. The child kept running on the road. Behind him, the howling ceased. The guardian angel flew over to the ranger, took his hand and whispered in his ear that someone was in danger at the edge of the forest. The ranger then remembered that he had not patrolled the other end of the trail yet. So, he started walking towards the little boy. They met halfway. The ranger took the lost boy home, gave him dinner, and put him to bed.
They breathed a sigh of relief. The child was saved.
This is how guardian angels work.
We followed the beautiful white angel. We flew upward and found ourselves in a spacious square. At first, I couldn’t see anything because it wasn’t clear enough. But when I really wanted to see what was happening, I saw it. A man was running in front of us chased by many others. The man was either trying to hide behind a bush, or a rock, or a house but his pursuers found him everywhere. When he suddenly appeared from behind one of the bushes, I was startled.
– Alpha, but this is my uncle, a respected, serious lawyer, why is he being chased?
– My child, I am very sorry I have to cause you pain but your uncle is only an honest lawyer on Earth where you can lie and cover up the sins you have committed, but here he is an ordinary rogue persecuted by the souls whom he has plundered and harmed on Earth. They can’t catch him because the day of reckoning has not come yet, they are just chasing him. When he dies and his pursuers die as well, the life cord which protects him now will break and then he will be caught.
I was saddened, I didn’t like my uncle too much but I felt sorry that such a fate awaited him. We carried on. I saw my colleagues feasting and rejoicing in pubs and boarding houses. I turned to my guide in amazement:
– Does such a thing exist here in the afterlife? After all, down on Earth we learn that we go to hell or heaven but I have never heard of a restaurant here.
– You haven’t heard of many things, my child, yet those things exist despite the fact you haven’t heard of them. Man will not get better or worse when he dies. Hell is not bad enough; heaven is not good enough for him. He lives the life he was used to on Earth but now without a physical body. However, desires do not die with the physical body because all desires come from the soul. The sensual remains sensual here too, the drunk loves the drink. But here he can no longer satisfy his desire because he does not have a physical body to do so. Only thirst torments him and for him this is hell. Poor souls are tormented like this for a long time. If you take a closer look at them, you will see that some of them have a life cord while others do not. There is not much difference between them here, only that the living are only here during their sleep, otherwise they are down in their bodies.
When we left this company, I asked him if these souls were of a higher or lower rank.
– They were lower – he replied. Now, we are going to the higher ones.
We were travelling upward and the atmosphere got cleaner and more pleasant. There was a large classroom in front of me. A familiar man gave a lecture on the podium. When he saw me, he gestured towards me with a lovely smiling face. I didn’t want to believe my eyes. In our house lived an old limping railroad worker. I met him every morning and he greeted me respectfully. He lived on a low pension and raised two orphaned children. He was the lecturer here on the podium. His face was clean, bright and happy. His eyes shone with intelligence, his performance was well versed, and his students were similarly spirited souls. Among them, I recognized my dear late grandmother, who was a very simple old woman. So, this is the higher category!
– What are they learning here? – I asked Alpha. Are there other subjects here than at universities on Earth?
– What the old railroad worker is just presenting is the most important subject: understanding. In addition, the curriculum includes: love, renunciation, devotion, helping others, goodwill. At an even higher level are presented the preparation of the institutions for the progress of mankind: medicine on a spiritual basis and everything else that promotes the cultural development of mankind.
– Dear Alpha, I would have one more request for you before it is time for me to leave – I turned to my heavenly friend. Show me my little daughter, Victoria’s soul.
– Your request is pretty bold but you want to learn anyway, so come with me.
I followed him to a flowery, sunny field. A charming tall blonde girl came to meet us. Her amber-coloured eyes looked at me intently.
– I am here, mother – said the charming figure in a soft, unfamiliar voice.
I looked at Alpha in surprise but instead she replied.
– Yes, I am your daughter. Thank you for the body you have given me. Look in the direction of the cord and you will see your little girl as you know her now.
I followed the cord and it led to our little room. The other end of the cord disappeared over the heart of my Victoria who was sleeping in her cradle. I didn’t understand it. That Victoria was a one-year-old little girl and this other one was almost as old as myself.
– Dear mother – the beautiful girl said in a timeless voice – the soul is not born when the body is. The soul has long lived while the body has just been born. We have lived for many thousands of years. There are many experiences in our souls but the body could not bear them. Ask an old man if he feels old in spirit. He will say he still feels young today. This proves eternity. The soul is many, many thousands of years old, yet it does not grow old because it is immortal.
I didn’t know how I felt, as if I was touched by the breath of eternity.
– Hello dear Alpha, where have you been, why haven’t I seen you?
– I’ll be taking you to the place I’ve been, my child – he replied and took my hand. The next moment I spotted a bustling illuminated city down below. What you will see now, you cannot remember on Earth in the morning – Alpha remarked.
We flew over a busy intersection, a loud honking sound at the bend, a frantic scream… someone was run over by a car. I saw a lot of people gathering around the accident and in the middle of it on the road was lying my husband, Leslie. A misty, more delicate body was slowly rising out of his physical body, floating upwards, already reaching the first-floor window. The cord that connected the body to the soul looked quite thin. A guardian angel flew over to the cord, grabbed it firmly, and tore it. Then the body stretched out on the ground and the soul ascended like a balloon in the arms of the guardian angel. What happened to the corpse down on Earth did not interest me but all the more did the fate of the soul. So, we followed it. Next to the body, I also saw Leslie’s mother, who had died ten years ago.
– Look Alpha – I informed my friend – there’s an acquaintance. The mother of the man who has just passed on. That is why the dying can see their relatives who had long passed on because they are really there at that time. Healthy people do not see those souls because they are not ready for that world yet but the dying are on the threshold and they know more.
We followed Leslie and the angel who carried him. She floated into a beautiful garden. She swaddled him like a baby and put him in a cell.
– Leslie will sleep now – Alpha clarified before I could ask him any question. He will sleep for a long time because he lived a sinful life on Earth. In this world he is an infant now; he has been born for this world and has died for the Earth.
I checked Leslie again. He was sleeping deeply and unconsciously without any dream. You are a widow as of today but you cannot have this knowledge on Earth yet, so as you step out of the gates of eternity, you have to forget everything. I followed Alpha with mixed emotions, he was walking in front of me without saying another word. He didn’t talk to me so I could think.
How will his death affect me on Earth? Will I grieve or breathe a sigh of relief? I was reminded of Victoria, this beautiful and serious young girl who is so foreign to me here in this dreamland and the most beloved creature for me on Earth. I felt someone was looking at me and I glanced up. Victoria was approaching me. I am here dear mother to share my thoughts about my father’s death.
I looked at her in shock.
– How do you know what I was thinking?
– Mother, there are no secrets in this world. Here, the unspoken thoughts are seen in the form of different colour radiations. We do not need to speak or deny or prove our truth. Everything can be found out from our spirit dress. The killer, the thief or the villain can say they are innocent but it is in vain when their spirit dresses are dirty, brown or black!
So was speaking my beautiful daughter who was much smarter and more advanced than myself. There were no dark spots on her spirit dress. It shone brightly in some otherworldly light.
– Tell me, my little girl – I asked her – how can it be that you are just an ignorant little child down on Earth, and here in this world you are an educated, intelligent, fully developed soul?
– Down on Earth, only a small portion of my consciousness has taken shape in that child’s body. I have a few bad qualities, material desires, faults that can only be eliminated from the soul in the rough material world. The more intelligent part of our consciousness stays here to work in this world. Scientists on Earth explain this duality as subconscious and conscious. This condition is similar to the life of a rose. The root lives in the dirty ground while the bud is in the sunny sky. If the root was not in the ground, the bud could not be in the sky.
– Last time you told me my little girl that the soul is not born when the body is. Please explain the meaning of this.
– It is difficult to explain this question because he who has not yet had this awareness engraved in his soul will find it difficult to understand. The soul emerged from the hands of the Creator millions of years ago and has gone through many thousands of lives since its birth. At the beginning of evolution, he was a prehistoric man, he lived on trees in the forest, then he became a caveman, then he built a house for himself, later he concentrated in cities. He created culture and lives on Earth today as a civilized man. The many millions of people who were born and died are not all new souls but the same ones who started out together at the dawn of evolution. It happens many times that we meet a stranger in the street, we look at him, he looks back, we turn around after him, he does the same thing and we both feel like we know each other. Together we were prehistoric people, cavemen, house builders, the initiators of culture. Then fate somehow separated us and when we meet later, we know nothing, we only suspect we are acquaintances. Knowledge can deceive a person but emotions never can because knowledge is acquired on Earth while emotions are engraved in the soul. You were just thinking – Victoria continued – what I was going to say about my father’s death. Here, we look at death differently than down on Earth. There, we believe we lost everything when our beloved dies. Here, we know that he has only changed his form of existence and after a certain time when he regains his consciousness, he continues his work. I’m happy because that makes it easier for me to get to his soul. When he wakes up, we’ll visit him together because he’ll learn what happened to him.
– Before I was born, I had chosen him as my father precisely because I was better able to get close to him through the physical kinship. I had known him for a long time. Once I was his wife, he loved me faithfully and spent all his wealth on me. Now, I want to repay him in some way. I think he will be in great need of me soon and my debt can be settled.
– You have to learn – Alpha said – to focus your thoughts. If you want to achieve a desired effect on someone, think of them intently and with love. Thoughts vibrate toward the soul of the person and will find them through all distances without question. I tell you to think of them with love because bad thoughts evoke bad feelings, while good thoughts evoke good feelings from the other soul. Now go, my child, and remember it well what I have told you today – Alpha finished his teaching and waved goodbye as I immersed myself in a thick dark cloud of unconsciousness …
